


Freedom for the Fallen

by Crossroads_Castiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), Castiel and Dean Winchester Use Their Words, Fallen Angel Castiel (Supernatural), First Time, Heaven & Hell, Hotel Sex, Implied/Referenced Sex, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-08
Updated: 2021-01-08
Packaged: 2021-03-18 19:22:29
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28623240
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Crossroads_Castiel/pseuds/Crossroads_Castiel
Summary: Takes place around episode 300, season 14.  Castiel comes to Dean after he sends a drunken text in a lonely motel room. Dean confronts Cas as to why he treats him different then Sam or Mary and Dean finds out that the one rule Cas has never broken is the one thing he wants...but he believes the price is too high. Neither Heaven nor Hell want to see them together. Will they tell the truth and damn the consequences?
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 8
Kudos: 67





	Freedom for the Fallen

Cas checked the text on his phone, lingering unsurely in front of the faded red motel room door. The room numbers were correct, and he could feel his familiar presence nearby…but the room was dark behind the thin curtains. He turned the knob of the hotel room and it opened unimpeded. As he stepped in, the room remained dark, but his non-human eyes took mere seconds to adjust. 

“Cas…” hissed Dean’s slurred voice from the single bed that took up the majority of the small room. 

Cas relaxed physically as he had confirmation that he was at least in the right place. He stepped further into the room and shut the door softly. “Dean, I received your confusing text. Where is Sam?”

Dean sat up in the bed and winced as Cas crossed to the bathroom and switched on the light, groaning as the yellowed light hit his face. His face wrinkled in his displeasure as he squeezed his eyes shut. “He’s with mom at the Bunker.”

“I’m sure they could use you back at home, Dean. It’s not good for you to be alone after…” Castiel began with concern in his tone. 

“I’m not alone,” Dean grumbled as he tried to stand and fell back on the bed. “You’re here.”

“You’re drunk,” Cas said as he sighed and came over to extend a hand to him. 

“I have no other friends. No social life. No hobbies. Don’t I deserve a drink sometimes?” He stared at Cas’ extended hand a moment before instead reaching for an open bottle on the nightstand. Cas reached out and grabbed his wrist, stopping him. They stared at one another a moment before Cas let go and stepped back. 

“You need water, not more alcohol,” Cas murmured as he walked back to the lit bathroom, unwrapped one of the disposable cups at the sink, and filled it with tap water before digging through Dean’s toiletry bag with familiarity and grabbing a medicine bottle. He walked back to the bed and pushed the glass of water into Dean’s hand, twisted open the medicine bottle and picked out two pain pills, and pressed those into his other hand. He stood, resolute, until Dean shrugged and tossed by the pills and water. While he was occupied, Cas whisked up the open alcohol and poured it in the sink. 

“I didn’t text you to come baby me,” Dean grumbled as he tried to stand. “I’m fine.”

Cas rolled his eyes and came back, gripping Dean’s forearm and pulling him up. “You always say your fine. It doesn’t matter why you texted me. I’m here to help.” As he pulled Dean up, they stood too close for a moment, Dean’s mouth a hard line as he studied Cas’ face a little too long. The moment was thick with tension before Cas broke their gaze and stepped back again. “Anyway, I will see that you get sobered up then I’ll follow you and the Impala back to the bunker and your family.”

Dean swallowed once before steadying his gaze. He licked his lips once and bit the lower lip before mumbling out, “Why do you do that?”

Cas furrowed his brow and frowned. “Do what?”

“Avoid touching me. You’re not as slick as you think you are, Angel.”

Cas lifted one eyebrow thoughtlessly at Dean’s slip of a nickname, but he darted his eyes away again. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Bullshit, Cas. What? You don’t want to soil your Angelic self by touching a human as corrupt as me? That Angel…whatshername…said the very touch of me corrupts. Don’t act so surprised I remember that. One tends to remember something like that. Is that….that what you think?” Dean pinched his lips together and went to reach for the bottle Cas had disposed of, frowning at its’ absence. 

“Dean…” Cas said as he shook his head. “No. It wasn’t true, what she said. You can’t think that.”

“The Hell I can’t when you wince away from the slightest contact with me. You don’t do it to Sam. Or mom. Just little old me. Was it the Mark? Or the demon eyes? Or me saying yes to Michael…I know how much you fought for me to say no. I just didn’t know another way or…”

Cas cut Dean off, striding forward and seizing him by the upper arms with both of his hands. “Stop it. There’s nothing wrong with you. You did those things to save others. I could never blame you for that. Not after all the things I’ve done myself. You are a good man, Dean Winchester.” Cas stopped himself, his breath coming faster than it should. He glanced to his own hands, shivered, and stepped back, releasing Dean from his grasp. 

Dean shook his head in disbelief. “Then tell me why.”

Cas swallowed and looked toward the ceiling, trying to find the courage to say what needed to be said. “You know why. Things with you and I aren’t like how they are with Sam or Mary, are they Dean?”  
Suddenly it was Dean’s turn to deny, his eyes still bleary with the effects of the alcohol. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“Maybe I should go,” Cas said as his eyes left the ceiling to lock onto Dean’s own, swallowing once. His heart sped up in his chest, something he’d not been aware could happen to an Angel until he’d met Dean Winchester. 

Dean took one shaky step forward, clearing his throat and almost smiling as Cas took a step back. “Are you scared of me, Cas? You’re running like you are.”  
“You are the last human on Earth I’m afraid of,” Castiel said with righteous indignation, his shoulders squaring. He narrowed his eyes, but he stepped back again as Dean walked closer. “I put you back together from nothingness. I know every part of you. I’m not afraid of you.”

“Then stop running from me,” Dean said, amusement sinking into his slurred tone now. 

“I’m not running,” Cas said as his back bumped into the wall next to the bathroom. 

Dean grinned, a relaxed, slightly crooked smile that was rarely seen these days and Cas’ heart beat just that much faster. “I don’t bite, Cas…unless I’m asked of course,” he said with a shrug as he flicked at his tie with his thumb and pointer finger. “If you aren’t scared of me…if you don’t think I’m an abomination…” Dean’s face went serious a moment, as if his own words saddened him. 

“I’m not afraid and you are not an abomination,” Cas said with assuredness as he locked eyes with him. 

“Prove it,” Dean said with heat in his eyes and a challenge in his voice. 

“What?” Cas cocked his head softly and his eyes tightened, trying to read Dean’s intent.

Dean pinched the end of his tie between his fist. “Prove you don’t think the very touch of me corrupts.”

“Dean, this is silly…” Cas said with as stern a voice as he could muster given how close Dean was to him. 

“I’m not laughing,” Dean growled back. “Either you can’t stand to touch me or…”

Cas reached out and laid his palm on Dean’s chest, stopping his words abruptly. “Don’t question me or my feelings for you, Dean. There are many things I can’t stand, but you have never been on that impressive list.” He could feel Dean’s heart beneath his hand, steady and strong. 

Reflexively, Dean stepped closer, making Cas put another hand up to keep them apart. Cas’ fingers widened as he felt Dean’s warmth radiating from under the thin cotton of his t-shirt. They stood inches apart, neither moving until Cas closed his eyes a moment, let out a breath, and side stepped out of the tight position. Dean stumbled with his quick movement and caught himself against the wall where Cas had been. 

Cas stepped back toward the front door but not making a move to leave, just giving space they both appeared to need. “You’re too drunk to have this conversation, Dean. Go to bed. I’ll watch over you.”  
Dean rolled his eyes and leaned against the wall, looking to Cas with a steady, heated gaze. “Not as drunk as you want to pretend I am. You’re right. Things are different with us, aren’t they?” Dean stepped forward and pressed his body against Cas. He pressed his lips against the stunned Angel’s and Cas’ defenses fell, moving his hands to the small of Dean’s back reflexively. Dean ran one of his hands through Cas’ dark hair and gripped his tie in the other as his tongue found entry into Cas’ mouth. Castiel might have let his own logic stay away from this moment except for the bitter taste of bourbon on Dean’s tongue. He couldn’t. Cas gently disentangled himself from Dean, who looked ready to fight as Cas pushed him gently away. 

“Fucking coward,” Dean growled out as his tongue flicked out to wet his lips, tasting Cas’ lingering presence there. 

“I won’t be bullied into letting you make drunken decisions you will surely regret, Dean,” Cas said as he crossed his arms over his chest, hiding the fact that he was digging his nails into his palms in a desperate bid for self-control. 

“You kissed me back,” Dean said slowly, as much to himself as to Cas. 

“Sober up, Dean. Please,” Castiel said as he stepped further away, leaving Dean alone beside the bathroom wall. 

Dean rolled his eyes and stormed off to the bathroom, shutting the door harder than he needed to. Castiel stared at the flaking white painted door and frowned. This was not how he expected the drunken text he’d received to lead to. He should slip out now while Dean was occupied…but he couldn’t do that to him...nor did he want to in a selfish part of himself he kept buried deep. He walked away and opened the curtains to watch the encroaching thunderstorm, lightning flashing in the distance. His mind was everywhere and nowhere. He could feel the lonely feet between himself and Dean, who had apparently decided to take a shower as he heard the old pipes groan to life within the walls. Great. Just great. He had enough self-control issues with him fully clothed but to imagine him mere steps away, naked and…No. He was an Angel and Dean was human. It was their most sacred law…His mind raced with the possibilities. If he let himself feel these feelings deep inside of him that he’d fought for so, so long…would it put Dean and his family in danger? Would the Angels pursue them further or was it only the creation of a Nephilim that made it so forbidden? It wasn’t worth the risk. It truly wasn’t…but he could still feel the heat of Dean’s skin on his hands as if he’d been burned. He could feel his heart beginning to race under his palm, the feel of his tongue on his lips…No, his feelings for Dean were like nothing he’d experienced in his many many years of life. He felt as magnetically drawn to him as the tides to the shore and felt just as helpless to the pull of it. He let his mind wander, remembering every missed opportunity, every stolen glance, every almost moment they had ever had…and he watched the storm outside move closer and closer. Weren’t humans supposed to avoid bathing during lightning storms? Perhaps he should…

“You stayed,” came a soft voice from behind him. Cas’ heart skipped a beat at the mere sound of his voice, and he turned, sucking in a soft breath as he saw Dean exit the bathroom, a thin cotton towel cinched around his waist. The lightning storm outside flashed soft bursts along Dean’s body and the wall behind him. 

“I wouldn’t leave you, Dean,” Cas said as he swallowed hard, his hands shoved in the pockets of his coat, fists clenched again. 

Dean shivered and ran a hand through his damp hair. “Look, I’m sorry. I was pushy and presumptuous and stupid. Angels can’t feel like that. You’ve told me that a dozen times over the years. I shouldn’t have…” he began but Cas was shaking his head before he could finish. 

“No, Dean. I won’t let you put this on you. Angels can’t…They aren’t capable…but I do. I am…I do feel for you…in that way. I feel it in my very bones. I feel everything I’m not supposed to with you. I yearn. I want…I have never felt so many emotions in my existence and it is truly frightening to me how much I want to touch you, right this moment as you stand there completely indecent.”

Dean swallowed hard, his hand gripping the towel with white knuckles. “Then why are you still over there?”

Castiel’s face creased as if in pain as he quoted from memory, “Lying with a human is forbidden. It is one our oldest law. Older than my own long existence, Dean.”

“What happened to the Angels that broke that law?” Dean said with a shaky breath as he studied Cas, insecurity in his own tone now. 

“They fell,” Cas said with a tremble in his voice as his eyes tracked down Dean’s body. “Or so the stories say. If I knew an Angel that broke that law, Naomi removed that memory from me.” Dean was shaking his head before Cas finished talking. 

“You should have told me. I can’t…I could never…You should go…” Dean said as he turned to dig clothes out of his duffel bag.

Cas stood still, frozen in place by a mixture of disappointment and hope, hope that Dean would look his way again, and fear that he would.

Dean rummaged in his bag, trying to ignore Cas standing there, but his hands fisted in the crumpled clothes and he swore under his breath. “Goddamn it all. That’s the one rule we can’t break? We’ve avoided you truly falling up to this point and THAT is the line in the sand? You know how ridiculous our lives are? Is all of this,” Dean waived between the two of them, “just a big cosmic middle finger?”  
Cas began to interrupt, stepping closer but Dean turned on him then. “And you, you should have told me.”

Cas frowned in confusion. “Why would I tell you something that I thought wasn’t at all relevant?”

“A law that could cause you to fall is pretty damn important, Cas,” Dean growled out as he crumpled a change of clothes in his hand. 

“Dean, you don’t understand…please…” Cas stepped forward, his hands fisted at his side. 

Dean threw up a dismissive wave with his free hand. “Just…just stop, okay? I’m feeling pretty stupid right now and I just want to be alone. I’ve made enough of a fool of myself for one day.”

Castiel hesitated before nodding to himself and striding over, pushing Dean hard against the wall with the palm of one hand. “Listen to me for once you stubborn human. You asked me why I was still not making my move and I told you why, but do you not understand? Every rule I’ve broken for you? Did you ever ask yourself what the consequences were for my actions?”

Dean huffed out an angry breath, still pressed against the wall by merely a fraction of Cas’ strength, still white knuckling the towel at his waist. “What does that have to do with…” He began arguing.

“I’ve already fallen, Dean. You just didn’t notice, did you? Treated as an outcast by the other Angels, my wings destroyed, hunted by my Angelic family. Did you think that was normal? I already fell….I fell for you. To save you and your brother. How dare you scold me now. How dare you dismiss me, after everything I have given up for you, Dean Winchester.”

Dean’s eyes were wide and unblinking as Cas growled out low and dangerous. He licked his lips slowly and nervously before trying to speak. “I thought…I thought falling sent you to Hell or made you human or something dramatic like with Anna…”

“Being condemned to Earth, living as neither truly human nor truly Angel, never feeling the freedom to fly when one has touched the stars themselves, my true form confined to this small, limited body, being denied human pleasures while feeling the want of those experiences…tell me, what else would one call such a life, other than Hell?”

Dean swallowed hard and his features softened. “If you’re truly Fallen, then what are the consequences if we…”

“That,” Cas growled out as he pushed Dean against the wall with his own body weight now, “is what I was trying to get to when you interrupted me.” Castiel crashed his lips into Dean’s, putting all of his anger and frustration into his movements as he moved his mouth to Dean’s throat, kissing along his Adam’s apple and moving his hand from his chest to his hair.

Dean shuddered as Cas moved from his mouth to his neck, a whimper escaping his throat as he felt Cas’ thinly contained strength. He brought his hands up and rested them on Cas’ shoulders, arching his neck to the side as Cas left scalding, open mouth kisses along his neck. 

“Is this what you want, Dean?” Castiel growled out as he brought a hand down to rest on his barely towel clad hip and he pulled away, the faintest blue grace shining deep within his eyes. The sight of it made Dean feel weak in the knees and Cas supported his weight, pressing their foreheads together. “It’s true this is the last law of Heaven I haven’t broken for you. If you want me, then release me from this Hell I’ve been condemned to and make this longing stop. Do you wish for me to break this final law for you? With you?”

Dean locked eyes with Cas and a shiver ran up his arms. He licked his lips and let out a shaky breath, trying to find the right words for the moment but all he could do was rasp out, “Yes…God, yes…Please,” and Cas immediately pressed him back into the wall with increased enthusiasm.

Dean let the towel drop as he brought his arms up to wrap them around his back. Cas growled, an inhuman sound that made Dean’s knees weak. Cas caught him, his arm sliding around Dean’s naked back and he crashed their mouths together, feeling that spark between them ignite and catch fire. Dean tore at Cas’ coat and Cas stepped back only enough to help with the removal of his clothes, his eyes raking hungrily down Dean’s body. It took almost no time to relieve Cas of his clothes with two people’s busy hands, and as Cas’ final garments hit the floor, they crashed together. The thunder crashed outside as well, rattling the windows as their bodies found one another, and the lightning illuminated their naked flesh. Angry storm clouds rolled across the sky but Castiel paid them no mind, even as he felt them, the voices of the Angels in Heaven. Their disapproval. Their anger. Their disgust at this final act of rebellion. This final casting off of Heaven’s authority. Castiel felt...free. He laughed, feeling the shackles of Heaven’s hold on him fall, even as his eyes glowed with his unreined power.  
Castiel fell…His body falling on top of Dean’s on the cheap motel sheets, their fingers interlocking in the darkness. He drug his mouth along his jaw line, murmuring praise to the righteous man in his mother tongue, Enochian sliding through his lips in a deep rumble, making chill bumps raise along Dean’s skin. He could still taste the bite of alcohol on Dean’s breath as their tongues slid together in a desperate dance. 

“Castiel…” Dean moaned as he turned to the window, seeing the storm outside intensify and the cheap windowpanes rattle again with the nearness of the storm. Cas slid a hand to where the hand-print he’d left years ago had been and he took the righteous man in every way a man could be taken. He had taken him from Hell’s clutches, taken him from Heaven’s plan, and now took him as his own. A last, glorious, blasphemy. A middle finger to Heaven, as Dean would say…

Dean gave himself over to Cas’ touch, gave his body over to his Angel, and as their bodies joined together, truly together, for the first time, a last powerful warning crack of lightning landed outside…but it was too late. Their voices intermingled in soft reverential tones as they worshiped one another, their naked, damp flesh sliding together in their own song, their own rhythm. Here there was no God, no Angel, no rules in their way. Not now. Not ever again. As they cried their release together, a feeling of weightlessness, of true freedom, added an extra layer of pleasure to the moment. Even as the Angels in Heaven screamed their outrage at this highest insult, of Castiel taking the Michael sword for his own, he could no longer hear them, because he may have fallen…but he’d also risen above and become something more…and something less. Heaven held no sway…and they were the ones afraid now. 

The Michael Sword and the Shield of God completely removed from Heaven’s influence…were more powerful than they could possibly imagine. And uncontrollable. The forces of Heaven and Hell shuddered at once at this newfound truth. 

And Castiel and Dean knew none of it as they lay together, lost only in the freedom of loving one another. Despite them all.

**Author's Note:**

> I found this partial fic in my drafts of unfinished works, the graveyard as it were...and I felt the need to finish it today. It went somewhere I wasn't expecting, and I love when fics take on a life of their own! I hope you enjoy!


End file.
